


we almost knew what love was

by sanakayex28



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Death Acceptance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Mention of addiction, Platonic Soulmates, Possible Character Death, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, misana tension is there but no one talks about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanakayex28/pseuds/sanakayex28
Summary: mina wishes that momo is able to feel the emotions going through her system right now to spare her from saying it out loud. but of course, momo couldn’t. she wasn’t her soulmate. no one is her soulmate.that’s when she realized how screwed she was because she fell in love with a girl who was bound to meet her soulmate someday.ora mimo soulmate au but mina and momo aren't soulmates and momo meets hers in the form of minatozaki sana.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, Hirai Momo/Myoui Mina
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	we almost knew what love was

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to my lovely best friend @pigOnces on twitter :)

“coffee?” 

a kiss on the cheek and a quick massage on her shoulders accompanied the offer, as the cup of hot beverage was placed on top of her desk.

mina pushed the glasses perched on the bridge of her nose as she faced the person responsible for the wet spot on her cheek, “hi momo. early shift?”

“nope,” momo grabbed an office chair and dragged it to sit beside mina, “just heard you got out from a six-hour craniotomy. i wanted to pay you a visit with your favorite drink and see if you’re resting well.”

this made mina giggle. both girls knew that was unnecessary, but momo being momo, of course, she had to do it. 

momo has been in this field for quite a while. longer than mina has because of their one-year age gap plus the delay mina had while choosing whether she’d pursue her dream in the medical field or settle for something immediate.

and with momo as considerate and helpful as ever, mina was able to reach her dreams. “you didn’t have to, you know that, right?”

“but you also know that i did it because i wanted to. so how was it?” momo slid her chair behind mina’s to continue the massage she had started earlier.

“it was tiring, but it’s all good. thanks for worrying though.”

“who said anything about worry? i never doubted your abilities. i’m sure that it was nothing that the head of neurosurgery couldn’t handle.” 

mina and momo have gone a long way. they’ve known each other since forever as they went through everything together, went through thick and thin by each other’s side. from their first periods to their first relationships. from their first failed test to their first dropped class. from their first unsuccessful surgery individually to a 12-hr long successful surgery they headed together.

momo was there during mina’s sleepless nights as the younger worries about the upcoming tests the following day. momo always made sure to accompany mina through the night and force her to get at least a couple of hours of sleep before the sun rises.

mina was there when momo was on the verge of dropping out. momo’s been studying hard, she really has, but she just keeps flunking test after test - seemingly not able to comprehend the knowledge she’s supposed to be getting from the books she’s been drowning herself in every night. momo was in her first year in med school while mina was finishing her last year for her bachelor’s degree, but that didn’t stop mina from offering help to the older. momo always wanted to refuse, knowing that if she accepts, it means that mina would have to study another set of lectures besides her own. but mina always shrugs it off, saying it’s additional knowledge for her and it’ll help her in the long run - and it does. it helps them both.

mina was there when momo started her residency. they were celebrating in the comfort of their shared apartment - a gift from momo’s parents. as soon as momo received the key to her own flat, she made sure to give the duplicate to mina as she invited her to live with her. mina wasn’t about to refuse to live in a place where it was just momo and her as she thinks of how noisy and messy it’s been in the dorms.

and momo was there when mina achieved her first goal to finally reach her dreams - to finish med school. mina took a year of rest from studying right after she graduated from university. it’s because her parents aren’t able to afford the possible expenses if she were to continue in med school. she found a job that pays enough for her daily expenses and her share of the rent. momo refused to accept mina’s share since she was the one who invited her to live with her anyway and she knew mina needed the money, but mina said she didn’t want to be a burden. momo wanted to say she wasn’t and mina knew momo doesn’t see her that way, but she didn’t want to keep relying on momo’s generosity, so momo lets her pay rent, but for the rest of the expenses in their shared home, it was on momo. 

until one night, momo snapped. mina went home late yet again and was fully drained. the next morning, momo scolded mina as much as she could for not taking care of herself and for keeping up with such a shitty job when she knew mina could do better. momo wasn’t mad, she was just really worried. so momo decided to put her foot down and tell mina to use the money she’s been earning for med school instead of paying rent. momo wanted to offer financial support for mina’s academics, but she knew mina would think that that’s too much - and maybe it is, but momo doesn’t mind. but she didn’t and opted for the former to still give mina some sense of independence.

and with that, mina was able to graduate from medical school and was set for an internship in the same teaching hospital where momo was a resident. 

and now here they are. as momo decided to stick with general surgery - wanting a chance to explore the different fields of surgery, mina specializes in neurological surgery as she’s also the head in the department while the older has been given the title as the chief of surgery and mina couldn’t get any prouder.

“you’re one to talk, chief,” mina smirked and held the older’s hand which was still on her shoulder. 

mina slowly turned her chair, their hands still intertwined. it felt so natural, like how every other thing in their relationship works. 

they melted into each other’s gazes, exchanging heartfelt smiles. mina knew she was fucked yet again the moment momo’s eyes met hers. how mina wishes that momo is able to feel the emotions going through her system right now to spare her from saying it out loud.

but of course, momo couldn’t. she wasn’t her soulmate. no one is her soulmate. 

mina was part of the minority who didn’t have a soulmate - born without a mark on her wrist. it never really bothered mina before, saw this as a good thing - that she’ll be able to write her own destiny, able to do whatever she may please and no one can say otherwise.

until the day she fell for momo.

_she was in her third year in college, momo was in her last. they were drinking, celebrating the last day of their finals. they still lived in the dorms, and alcoholic drinks were obviously not allowed inside the campus but they couldn't care less as they smuggled some in their room. they were even invited to a house party that’s just a few blocks away - everyone on campus was celebrating - but they wanted to celebrate with just the two of them._

_they were drinking for a few hours already - talking about the most random things. from the cute boy next door to the asshole professor they shared. neither even noticing time passing by until mina’s alarm went off._

_“how is it already 5 in the morning? i’m not even exhausted yet,” momo snickered, both girls looking at mina’s phone._

_mina giggled at the thought, they really seemed like they would’ve continued if they weren’t reminded of the time. momo was still looking at mina’s phone, so when mina faced momo, she was surprised to see how little space they had left between them._

_their eyes met and for a few seconds, neither moved. just a few more inches and their lips would’ve met as well, and with every second that passed, mina was becoming more aware of how close they were._

_they were still looking in each other’s eyes until mina saw momo’s gaze trail down to her lips. this made mina do the same and gulped. she was so compelled to move towards momo, she didn’t even realize what she was doing not until momo stood up from the floor._

_“fuck,” mina whispered faint enough for momo not to hear as her actions started sinking in._

_momo giggled, “alright. that’s enough for tonight - or morning. you’re obviously already drunk.” the older pulled mina up to her feet and guided her to her room so she could rest._

_but mina wasn’t able to rest that night, and neither has momo._

that’s when she realized how screwed she was because she fell in love with a girl who was bound to meet her soulmate someday. that was the only time she felt betrayed by the universe - for not giving her a soulmate, not giving her momo. 

and here she is again, lost in the gaze of the older till her eyes decided to look at their joined hands. momo’s sleeve from her lab coat didn’t reach her wrist and she wasn’t wearing her watch today - making her mark visible. 

mina looked away, remembering the times she tried to forget about her feelings for momo, but that day never came. she really tried and now she’s once again reminded that momo can never be hers.

she didn’t even realize that she let go of momo’s hand while she was zoning out. the only thing that brought her back was when she felt the same hand she was holding seconds ago, now on her cheek, softly caressing her skin.

“hey, you okay? are you tired? do you want to rest first? i can cover the rest of your shift if you need me to. i’ll go tell nayeon that you—” momo was cut off because of another giggle that left mina’s lips.

the younger shook her head and held the hand on her cheek, “i’m fine. i was just thinking.”

momo retrieved her hand, only to hold mina’s again, with a smirk plastered on her face, “yeah? was it about me?”

“it was.”

that caught momo off guard - mina was never straightforward about her feelings towards momo and the sad smile that accompanied mina’s response told momo what the younger doctor was thinking about.

a second later, still with no response from momo, mina started to freak out, “i’m sorry, was that too much? i didn’t mean to. i know we’re with each other right now and it’s weird to zone out thinking about you while you’re in front of me, but i don’t know what came over me. i’m sorry i’ll—” it was mina’s turn to be cut off.

“no need to ramble, mina, you know that it’s okay. in fact, i wanted to tell you something.” momo’s eyes went from mina’s to anywhere but at her as she started to get nervous.

“i know your office is probably not the best place to say this, but i’ve also been thinking about what you said last week,” momo trailed off and started to breathe deeper to gain some courage, “and i’d like to try. i really do.”

and like how their actions have been switching from one to the other, it was mina now who wasn’t able to respond immediately. it was as if her brain stopped functioning that she wasn’t able to comprehend what momo had just said, “i’m sorry, what?”

momo let out another little giggle before looking mina in the eye and tightening her hold on the latter, “i said i’d love to go on a date with you. officially, this time. i’m free tomorrow evening, and i know you are too.”

mina didn’t know what to feel - how to react. and mina didn’t have enough time to as momo’s beeper startled both of them. 

“shit. that’s me, i gotta go. i’m on ER today,” and with that, momo left a quick kiss on her forehead before running off.

mina didn’t mind as the forehead kiss lingered since she was more than happy to know that momo finally gave her a chance. a chance to show momo the love she has for the older without holding back this time. and mina wouldn’t waste such an opportunity.

––

momo rushed to the emergency room, with the giddy feeling on her chest still there. she started attending to the patients in the room, giving light and simple sutures to wounds which were caused by several unfortunate events in the kitchen, alongside diagnosing kids having fever with no symptoms of any threatening illness.

momo was beaming with happiness which was contagious to the point that even the patients left the room with smiles on their faces. it was a normal occurrence from the bright and bubbly momo, but she was twice as happy today because she finally had the guts to accept mina’s love for her and to return it wholeheartedly.

momo always knew about mina’s feelings - aware when mina started to act differently towards her. 

_the day after their last day of finals was the first day of their semestral break, in other words, winter break has started. they have roughly three weeks of vacation and both girls decided to take a plane back to japan to visit their respective families._

_their flight was set to leave three days into their winter break, that’s why momo was weirded out when she saw mina’s luggage already packed on the first day of their break._

_“going somewhere?” momo asked as she pushed the door to mina’s room even more to announce her presence._

_mina was staring at the mirror fixing her scarf when momo entered - another weird thing - but she shrugged it off, deciding to sit on the younger’s bed, “why is your luggage out?”_

_mina faced momo, but didn’t exactly meet her eyes, as she grabbed her purse and started placing her daily essentials inside of it that was on her bed moments ago, “uh i’m going back home.”_

_“what? aren’t we supposed to leave together in like two days?”_

_“i- yeah, but uh-” mina fiddled more with her bag still not looking at momo, “something came up? and uh mom wanted me to go home asap.”_

_it didn’t take long for momo to understand that mina was acting weird but she decided not to pry, knowing that the younger would approach her about what’s troubling her when she’s ready, so she lets it slide._

_“alright. do you need a ride to the airport? let me at least do that given the short notice of this all.”_

_mina seemed hesitant at first, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to lie to momo for much longer, so she agreed._

_the ride to the airport was quiet. and as much as momo wanted to deny it, it was pretty awkward. momo wanted to ask what’s wrong but kept on deciding otherwise - opting to stay quiet and let the tension thicken as time passed by._

_when they got to the airport, momo was kind enough to help mina with her things from the trunk, having an excuse that mina isn’t allowed to carry that much weight, but she really just wanted to stall some more._

_“we’re good, right? you’re not mad at me or anything? you aren’t avoiding me?” momo asked right before mina was able to leave._

_mina faced her again and shook her head, “we’re okay.” and they bid their goodbyes._

_but they weren’t okay. days turned to weeks and mina has indeed been avoiding momo._

_momo tried to contact her. they were supposed to be with their families, but they also planned to spend some time together to explore other parts of japan just like what they always do every year. but mina kept turning momo’s offer down every chance she got._

_until momo had enough and confronted mina, going on a roughly two-hour trip from kyoto to kobe. she was so used to traveling to the younger’s home that momo didn’t even notice that she was already in front of the younger’s house._

_“momo? why are you here?”_

_mina opened the door, surprised to see the older. she really didn’t want to see her right now, but of course, momo wouldn’t let that happen._

_momo didn’t answer and entered the house as if it were her own. she passed by mina’s brother, gave him a quick greeting but went straight to mina’s room._

_mina followed suit, still as confused as to when she opened the front door. they reached her room and that’s when momo faced her._

_“why are you ignoring me? did i do something wrong?” momo looks frustrated and she was - even a kid would be able to point that out._

_momo just wanted to hang-out with her best friend like old times, but mina’s making that impossible to do so._

_mina looked away, knowing that even if she lies, the older would just see right through her and it’s useless._

_“i’m sorry. i was just thinking some things through,” mina looked at her for a second to show her sincerity, but still couldn’t keep her eye contact._

_momo approached the girl, pulling her into an embrace. she thinks she knew why - but didn’t want to assume - so she asked, “is it because of what happened the last time we got drunk?”_

_mina tightened her hold on momo and slowly nodded. both girls knew they had a lot to talk about, but neither was ready to face it yet. they settled for this instead, holding each other tightly to say things they couldn’t say out loud. and it was enough._

after that, momo already knew the feelings mina had, but they never talked about it, only showed it. mina always took care of momo and momo always guided mina. they were an inseparable duo anyway - it felt natural to fall for each other along the way.

but momo had a soulmate, and if mina sees her no-mark wrist positively, then momo saw her mark as a gift too. 

she was a firm believer in the soulmate system, simply because her parents’ love story was beyond realistic, and the only way they were able to be with each other is because they were soulmates. despite the constant hardships and obstacles momo’s parents went through, they always found a way back in each other’s lives. and it’s what made momo hope - that she’d meet her own someday and the name written on her wrist would finally be clear.

momo loved mina, but she was a firm believer in soulmates. 

_something didn’t add up._

it didn’t take long for momo to realize she’d fallen in love with mina too, it wasn’t hard to accept either. but she was scared of what it could mean for both of them. scared of what may happen when momo’s soulmate came around.

mina knew about momo’s belief, and as momo respected hers, mina respected momo’s. so momo knew they had to talk and mina knew she had to make it happen. they’ve remained silent and settled for actions to express their love for each other for years, but they had to face the truth sooner or later.

_mina took her out again, it’s the fifth time this week. momo liked to think it was just the usual unofficial dates they always go on, but she knew that lately, that wasn’t the case. especially when each of these recent dates was special, they were well-thought of and specially catered for a night to satisfy momo’s interests._

_momo kept asking for the nth time tonight on where mina was planning to take her this time, but like the previous nights, mina remained unbothered and didn’t give momo a single clue._

_“we’ll get there soon, no need to spoil the surprise,” mina chuckled and continued driving. momo whined in response which only resulted to further laughter between the two._

_momo didn’t really want to know where they’d go - to keep the thrill - and even if she did, she knew mina wouldn’t give in anyway. the smallest things can make mina laugh, and she knew that this is one way to make her smile - if mina’s bound to make her happy at the end of the day, she wanted to at least make mina smile too._

_“you know you don’t have to do this, right? you keep spoiling me,” momo pouts as she gets out of the car._

_they were in a mini-golf pub tonight. ever since they were in college, there was a place near campus they'd go to, to play mini-golf. it was sort of their safe place, one where they went to when they wanted to unwind from all the stress college gives them. but unfortunately for them, around the time mina graduated from college, the place shut down and they never found a new place to play till they got busier over the years and were never able to play together again._

_“but you know i did it because i wanted to. so come on, it's been a while but i’m sure i’d still be able to beat your ass,” mina challenged and pulled her inside._

_and just like old times, mina still won every round, and momo still whined every time._

_“that's not fair! my ball keeps getting out of the hole!”_

_mina watched momo with amusement in her eyes, “it's because you keep hitting too strong. maybe relax a little.”_

_the rest of the game was spent like that - mina finishing every round one stroke less than the par for that hole or scoring even, and momo whining every time mina completes a hole. the mini-golf course was located just outside the pub where they settled in a few minutes after mina declared herself the winner._

_“i’ll get back at you next time,” momo glares as she handed mina the drink she paid for, as punishment for losing, “i can’t believe you brought me to a date and i end up paying.”_

_“well, it’s not my fault that you always lose.”_

_momo didn’t mind losing all the time if that’s what causes mina to be happy and smile like this - a sight she’d never get tired of seeing. she was already contented with what they had. enjoyed and appreciated the additional effort mina put in lately. she knew something was up, but that thought was set aside as she enjoyed the company of the woman in front of her._

_but as immediate as that thought disappeared, it was as if mina knew and decided to let it crawl back in, “i’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.”_

_mina finally decided to break the ice and get on with it, she was saving up some courage for a couple of days - weeks even - for this. momo gave her a look telling her to go on, assuring her that whatever it is, it’ll be okay._

_but momo had an idea what it’s about, and it scared her even more._

_“we’ve been going out a lot recently - for years, even. i never said a thing because it’s just how we are. and i’m not complaining or anything, but,” mina took a deep breath when momo held her hand, realizing she was starting to ramble and get nervous, “i guess i just wanted to know if you’d finally like to give us a try? i know you’re waiting for your soulmate and all, and i’m not stopping you from that. i guess what im trying to say is—”_

_mina continued rambling and momo knew that words were never really their forté so she cut her off and pressed their lips together. it wasn’t the first time they kissed, but it felt as if it were because this was the first time they shared one after one of them decided to speak up, finally._

_momo was never good with words, and neither was mina. but mina always wins so it wasn’t a surprise to both of them when it was mina who stepped up to put a label in their relationship._

_and as mina is always the winner, momo is always right. she hates assuming, but it’s something else when it’s her instincts that tell her that something’s up. and she did expect this to be brought up sooner rather than later since they’ve been like this for more than three years now. but that didn’t mean that she was ready when it happened._

_she knew what mina wanted, she knew she wanted mina. but even if she wished that it was as easy as that, it wasn’t and they both knew it._

_it was mina who pulled away first, keeping her hand on momo’s cheek. she looked down, not wanting momo to see the tears forming in her eyes, but as they fall on her cheek, it didn’t escape momo’s sight._

_“i love you, momo. i’m sorry if i’m asking for too much, but i can’t move forward like this, not when i know that we could be something.”_

_momo nodded, understanding that as much as this is hard on her, she knew that mina had it worse._

_“i love you too,” momo pressed their foreheads together, “but i need some time to think it through. would that be okay? i just don’t want to enter this yet without being fully committed since that’s what you deserve, mina.”_

_mina smiled, “i’ll wait for you for as long as you need me to.”_

but mina didn’t have to wait too long, because their talk happened just a little over a week ago and momo knew it was useless to keep mina waiting when they both knew how much they loved each other.

momo didn’t know what she’d do when she does meet her soulmate, but that’s a worry she’ll face when the time does come. right now, as she treats the minor wounds the patients have, all she could think about is what the two of them would be doing tomorrow evening for their first official date.

but apparently, the universe had other plans for her when minutes later, a patient arrived, coming out of the ambulance. 

momo was quick to her feet to approach the gurney with a female patient. the paramedics explained all the necessary information the nurses needed to aid her as the patient was being transferred to a bed in the emergency room.

momo heard that she was stable now. the patient was found passed out in a grocery store and fortunately for her, help was immediately given.

“that’s minatozaki sana. she has a record in our hospital already. she visits at least once a month for her routine check-up,” nayeon, the nurse who’s on duty alongside her today and a good friend of hers, said.

“what’s the check-ups for? is it related to why she’s in front of me in the ER instead of her doctor upstairs?” 

nayeon merely nodded, “she suffers from a brain tumor. dr. myoui claimed it as malignant and it wasn’t the first time she was rushed to the ER because she fainted.”

momo’s lips curved into a small smile at the mention of mina’s name. nayeon took note of this and was sure to use it against her friend later after their shift, “so should we call dr. myoui to come down? to check on her patient?”

momo shook her head as she contemplated, “there’s no need. mina’s shift just ended and she needs some rest. i’ll take care of sana for the meantime till she gains her consciousness back. we’ll call her when something happens.”

nayeon then left momo with the patient and momo decided to look over the clipboard that provided some of the information about sana. she didn’t know why, but the moment she heard the ambulance, something felt off and it made her intrigued about the woman lying down in front of her. 

there were no patients left who still needed further treatment, that’s why momo could watch over sana. she knew she didn’t need to, but like always, she felt as if she did.

it’s been a few minutes till sana arrived and she’s starting to regain consciousness. when momo looked over her shoulder to see sana trying to sit up, she immediately tried to stop her, placing her hand on sana’s bare shoulder.

and that’s when it happens. the universe was indeed messing with her when less than two hours ago, momo finally - after years of waiting for her soulmate - asked mina out on a date to give her a chance, and now she meets the person she’s been waiting for all her life. 

momo did not need to look at her wrist to confirm that the girl in front of her was her soulmate as the shock written on sana’s face was enough to know that they felt the same thing. it was as if electricity flowed through her whole body only to end on her wrist as they both winced at the pain as the tattoos on their respective wrists started to reveal each other’s name.

“m-momo?” sana still looked nauseous as she read the name written on her wrist. momo was beyond confused. this was the moment she’s been waiting for her whole life, and now that it’s happened, she doesn't know what to do.

“uh, that’s me. we can talk about this later, yeah? you need to rest first,” momo showed her a gentle smile as she gave a little squeeze on sana’s arm.

it took only a few minutes before sana fell asleep, leaving momo to her own thoughts.

she didn’t know what to feel. she didn’t want to think about what she could feel when all she could think about now is how the universe probably hates her to put her in such a place like this and of course, mina.

mina, who walked in the ER just now with a wide grin on her face. 

“hey, i wanted to pass by before i head home, is the ER okay? or do you need some help?” mina was as thoughtful as ever and seeing her after this mess - she’d have to think about what to call this - feels soothing like the energy mina always gives off.

momo immediately stood up and closed the curtains for sana’s cubicle so that mina wouldn’t see her. she doesn’t really know why it was a reflex for her to hide sana, as if the girl was a secret she wanted to hide to keep mina safe.

mina giggled, like how she always does, as she witnessed the immediate action momo had done, “hiding something?”

momo’s eyes grew wide. was she that obvious? or was mina that smart? did mina know? was she just testing if momo would tell the truth? how did she even find out? 

“i was joking, why are you so tense?” mina pushed her shoulder jokingly, “anyway, i’ll see you at home?” 

momo gave her a nod as mina left a lingering kiss on her cheek. the younger gave her one last look, her smile still not fading, before completely disappearing from momo’s view.

seeing mina’s smile was what brought momo back to her senses. she returned the same huge grin that mina had plastered on her face. she knew she had to tell mina - knew she couldn’t hide this forever - but this could wait till after their date tomorrow.

––

and that’s where momo went wrong. she should’ve told mina the moment she found out because sana was a patient and mina was her doctor. it should’ve occurred to her that mina could find out before she could even tell her. but how could she? when it hasn’t even registered to her system that she finally found her soulmate.

momo also shouldn’t have underestimated the power of gossip. having her name written on the wrist of a patient, a patient of myoui mina - her best friend and the woman who is rumored to be her girlfriend - had been the talk of the hospital. it also didn’t help when everyone knew that mina didn’t have a soulmate. with the assumption that mina and momo are together, people speculated that momo didn’t have one either. so when people found out that the chief of surgery was the soulmate of the patient who is now confined in the comforts of their hospital, everyone wanted to have a look on momo’s wrist to see if sana’s name was tattooed on it too.

and it didn’t take long for mina to hear about the rumors too, given that rumors around the hospital could spread faster than a virus ever could. she didn’t listen at first, but when that’s all she could hear from the nurses and some of her fellow surgeons, she knew she had to ask momo about it or it’ll drive her insane. 

that’s why mina was already inside momo’s office even before momo arrived in the hospital. she was waiting, and everyone who knows mina, knows that she’s pretty impatient. she was about to call momo’s phone when the door to the older’s office opened, revealing the person she came here for.

“mina? hey, i passed by your office, but you weren’t there,” momo gave her a kiss on the forehead before putting her things down on the couch, “did you need anything?”

momo had a smirk plastered on her face, unaware of the things happening around her, of the words being said right outside the room they were in.

mina didn’t have time to joke around as she approached momo, the latter thinking she’d get a sweet treat. but when momo closed her eyes, only to feel mina pull out her wrist, she was confused.

that’s when it hit momo. mina was looking at her wrist, and before momo was able to pull it back, mina already saw sana’s name clearly tattooed on momo’s skin.

“mina i—”

“so i guess it’s true then,” mina let out a defeated sigh while sitting down and momo was still clueless about what’s going on.

the only thought going through mina’s mind is how cruel the universe could be that it didn’t even give her at least 24 hours to enjoy momo officially being hers. 

“i- what is?” momo grabbed the watch on her office desk and decided to put it over the mark on her wrist. expecting an answer, she waited and sat beside mina on the couch.

but mina didn’t give her one, instead, she asked another question, “how long have you known? were you already aware before we talked yesterday?”

momo shook her head as she reached for mina’s hands, not expecting for the younger to flinch at her touch, “no, i didn’t. i found out during my shift yesterday.” 

mina nodded, still not able to look momo in the eye as she kept her gaze on their linked hands, trying not to look at the half-covered mark on momo’s wrist.

“why didn’t you tell me last night?”

“i didn’t know how to. i was supposed to tell you later today, after our date,” momo let go of mina’s hands as she placed them on mina’s cheek, “i’m sorry.”

that was the only time mina met momo’s eyes and she didn’t know what to feel, didn’t know what to do.

mina held onto momo’s hand on her cheek as she asked, “well, we still haven’t gone on our date, momo.” she let out a low chuckle, “you could still take it back. i did say i won’t stop you from meeting your soulmate. and here she is now.”

“what are you trying to say?”

“that we don’t have to try anymore, mo.”

“but i don’t want that. i want you, mina. i love you and i wouldn’t trade you for anyone, not even sana,” momo made mina look at her, for her to see the sincerity in her eyes.

momo was confused about all the things happening, but she knew of only one thing and that is she loves mina.

“she’s your soulmate. you waited for her your whole life,” mina showed her a reassuring smile - as if saying that she already accepts her defeat in a match that hasn’t even begun.

but mina never loses, something momo figured out along the duration of their relationship and she won’t let this be mina’s first loss, not when she believes she has a chance in winning.

“well, that was before, sure. till i fell for you. things change, you know? and believe me when i say that i’m choosing you.”

“but you’re soulmates, you can’t change that.”

“yeah, i can’t.” momo brushed the few strands of hair covering mina’s eyes, “but it doesn't mean i have to be with her either. we don’t have to conform to the rules set by society. weren’t you the one who taught me that?” mina wanted to believe. wanted not to think of the possibilities that could leave her heartbroken.

“besides, i’ve heard of soulmates who chose to remain friends and it worked out. maybe sana and i could settle for that,” momo was trying. she was trying to assure mina that she wouldn’t let go of her just yet. she wanted a chance to prove to mina that she was serious about this, about them.

“i know that if i met sana five years ago, things would’ve probably happened the way you expected them to. but it’s different now because i have you. i really love you, mina. please let me show it to you, don’t let go of me yet.”

mina took a deep breath before pressing their foreheads together, “are you sure? you know i won’t get mad, right?”

momo didn’t answer through words, but in a way that they’re both familiar with. their lips met and mina knew momo’s decision would be final.

they pulled away, foreheads still pressed together, “now, about that date?”

––

mina and momo decided to continue on the path they agreed on. the rumors had started to die down, having a new rumor circulating around the four corners of the hospital just a day after. 

it’s been a week since the couple found out about momo’s soulmate, and momo would like to claim that they’re handling it pretty well, but they were actually too busy to even think about it much. 

as for sana, she has been confined since the day she arrived in the ER, and mina has yet to check in on her today. and as much as momo wanted to see how her soulmate’s been doing, her schedule hasn’t really been cooperating lately. 

“hey, sana, long time no see.” mina sat down on sana’s bed, waiting for the older girl to face her.

sana merely laughed, “hi doc, missed seeing me here? it’s been a while since i lay down on this bed again.” she still had her eyes set on the window of her room, admiring the city view from her slightly angled bed. 

“yeah, it has been a while, but i still prefer seeing you in my office instead of in here.” mina had done her usual check-up routine on sana before asking, “how have you been feeling by the way?” 

“i had better days, i guess, given that they’re numbered anyway.” that’s when sana finally looked at mina, “so how bad is it this time?”

mina didn’t beat around the bush when she told sana how her condition started to get worse. it was expected from both sides since it’s been four years since mina diagnosed sana. but as much as mina wanted to let sana be the captain of her own ship, she knew she can’t let her drive towards an iceberg when both of them can clearly see it.

“sana, we can still do the operation, you know?” they became good friends over the years - building a relationship that revolves around care and concern. something that’ll prove to be useful at a much later time.

sana smiled bitterly at that, “i’d rather die while on the road - living my life - than on an operating table. we’ve talked about this before and my mind hasn’t changed about it.” it hurt mina that sana never considered fighting, that she chose to accept her fate right there and then. but that’s what she admired about the older girl too. sana may have accepted defeat, but she knew how to make the most out of it.

mina nodded, understanding that this conversation has ended with her on the losing side yet again, “then you also know that i won’t stop convincing you about it,” mina smiled, a genuine one to tell sana that she cares. because this isn’t a battle mina would lose and neither would sana. “do you need anything before i go?”

sana seemed hesitant, but she knew if she didn’t ask now, she might not have the chance again. “there is one thing.”

mina gave her a look telling her to go on, but she had a feeling she might not want to hear it. but the offer was made and she genuinely wanted to help out.

“uhm are you- do you know- uh,” sana looked away while scratching her arm, clueless as to why she was getting shy about this, “i was wondering if maybe i could see m-momo? that’s her name, right? it’s what’s tattooed on me anyway. i assume you know her? unless i’m wrong. s-sorry, this was silly of me. no need to bother. thank you, mina.”

mina should’ve seen this coming. and from the only conversation that mina and momo had about this, all she knew is that they decided to leave sana and everyone else in the dark about their relationship, just for a while until this is all resolved. so she giggled at the request of the girl, one that sounded a little forceful but she hoped sana didn’t catch on, “of course i know her, she’s my best friend. just wait here and i’ll go tell your soulmate that you’re looking for her.”

sana returned the smile and nodded, a soft ‘thank you’ leaving her lips. mina usually would enjoy the feeling of being the recipient of that kind smile alongside the loving eyes that accompany it. but something inside her stirs when she realizes that the smile may have been directed towards her, but it was caused by momo. her momo.

––

“knock knock,” momo said while pushing the door open, “i heard someone requested for my presence in this room once again.”

a cheeky smile was forming on sana’s lips, guilty for making momo go to her room whenever she misses the other girl. people may find her needy for that, but momo doesn’t seem to mind. “hey, chief.”

momo rolled her eyes, “why does everyone call me that?”

“well maybe because it’s what you are? i mean i don’t know, just a guess,” sana shrugged with a teasing tone, earning a slap from the doctor.

sana feigned hurt as she rubbed at the spot that was hit by the older girl while momo sat on the edge of her bed. “how have you been feeling? is mina taking good care of you?” 

it’s been a week ever since their first talk in this very room, two since their first encounter. and their relationship may have taken a drastic turn as to what they would’ve wanted.

_“let me be clear on this, i’m dying.” as soon as momo was able to close the door to sana’s room, sana spoke._

_momo was still trying to let things sink in even if it’s been over a week since she found out about her soulmate and maybe, just maybe, being greeted with the news of her condition wasn’t what she needed to feel better about all of this._

_“i- uh, i kinda knew. mina briefed me about your condition,” momo couldn’t keep eye contact as she paced slowly around the room, not knowing how to address this situation._

_“i just don’t want you to get your hopes up,” sana started to feel nervous, but she was sure that it wasn’t coming from her own emotions, “i probably won’t be around much longer. i won’t be able to give you the soulmate experience you probably hoped for all your life.”_

_“what do you mean?” that’s when it occurred to sana that the nervousness she’s been feeling was coming from momo, “aren’t you here to get treated?”_

_mina didn’t tell momo everything, figured that it wasn’t her place to. and sana appreciated her for that. “i am, but i won’t be getting the operation. mina knows about it.”_

_momo just nodded, didn’t want to further pry about something that sana felt uncomfortable talking about. sana didn’t have to say it, but momo could feel it. and if sana’s sure about her decision, then she figures that they should just make the most out of it even if it’s just inside the four walls of this very hospital._

_“i also have something to say,” momo was able to stop herself from pacing around and opted to sit on a chair beside sana’s bed in which the younger was sitting on, facing her. “i guess it’s nice if we do start with a clean slate, so i think it’s best if you know that i actually have a girlfriend.”_

_sana smiled after hearing that. at least she knew that she and momo are on the same page about this. “how long have you been together?”_

_sana slowly started to feel giddy inside, and as she looked in front of her, she can see that it was once again momo’s emotions that she’s feeling as she saw a tinge of pink slowly forming on her cheeks._

_“we made things official just recently, but we’ve been a thing for years now.”_

_that’s how they started. momo dropped the topic not long after, making sure not to drop mina’s name as per their agreement beforehand. with hopes of getting to know sana in different aspects other than her health, she quickly diverted the conversation to the younger, and sana let her. as scary as it was for both girls to break down their walls for a complete stranger - that is the other - just because they’re soulmates, they didn’t think twice about letting each other in because it felt right._

they went from getting to know basic facts about each other, like how momo’s favorite color is blue and that sana always wanted a dog but never got one, to discovering deeper things about one another. by that, they meant knowing that sana doesn’t like coffee and would prefer hot chocolate over anything while momo would go for a classic americano - something she got from mina over the years of their friendship.

and soon the daily one hour visits in sana’s hospital room turned to several visits a day doing god-knows-what.

_“wait, so you mean, you never, as in NEVER, tried doughnuts? what kind of monster are you?” momo was beyond surprised, to say the least._

_momo bought some doughnuts during her break and when she realized that she has nothing to do since mina’s still busy, she decided to pass by sana’s room for the third time today to offer her favorite pastries to the younger girl._

_but to her dismay, her soulmate doesn’t want any right now - or ever for that matter._

_“geez, stop acting like it’s such a big deal,” sana giggled as she drank the hot chocolate momo bought for her as well, “it’s just doughnuts, mo.”_

_momo shivered after hearing sana say her name like that, wondering why that never happened with mina before when that was the latter’s nickname for her._

_but she let that thought slide as she pouted, “it’s not just doughnuts, sana-chan. they’re my favorite food! how could my own soulmate betray me like this?”_

_momo had her arms crossed and her back turned to sana, not able to believe that there are people like sana out there - doughnut haters._

_sana sat up properly, moving to sit nearer to momo, “hey, are you really upset with me right now?”_

_momo didn’t spare her a glance and pouted even harder which isn’t remotely possible, but momo proved it otherwise._

_“you’re a doctor. you should be the first to tell me not to eat a doughnut. but here you are, mad at me for not taking a bite,” sana giggled, grabbing the box of doughnuts the older brought with her, filled with every flavor momo fancies._

_she got the plain hole-shaped one that had chocolate glaze on top and took a bite from it. she closed her eyes, originally for the purpose of being ready if she’ll feel nauseous, but it turned to her savoring the taste of the sweet pastry._

_sana ended up finishing the whole doughnut before momo decided to finally face her, “were you chewing? oh.” momo was trying to hide her amused smile when she saw sana’s lips covered with the chocolate glaze as she looked at the box to see that one of the doughnuts had gone missing, “you even ate my most favorite flavor.”_

_“i’m sorry,” sana tried to mumble with food still in her mouth, “are you still mad?” it was sana’s turn to put on her puppy eyes as she finished eating the doughnut. “if it’s anything, it’s my favorite now too.”_

_and even if momo tried to hide her smile, sana was able to feel how giddy momo was from the mere thought that sana did something for momo. and that made sana happy too._

_at least before she dies, she knows she made her soulmate laugh at the little things. and that was the only thing that mattered then._

“yeah, in fact she was the last person to see me before you came,” sana smiled, “it was nice of her to call you when i was planning on doing it myself.”

that made momo’s brows furrow because it wasn’t mina who told her to come here. but she just shrugged it off, _maybe she had another patient to attend to._

“and how were you supposed to do that?” momo smirked, leaning on the wall that made her face sana, as if challenging her.

sana stood up, bringing her dextrose with her as she got something from the other side of the bed, “with this!” the younger girl revealed a wheelchair as she struggled to unfold it, not knowing that she had to unclasp the locks.

momo’s smile didn’t disappear as she helped sana with her goal to set up the wheelchair. and when they were done, sana immediately sat on it, “now, doctor, will you be so kind as to push me around? my room’s getting kinda boring.”

momo rolled her eyes as she went behind the wheelchair to do as sana pleased and pushed her out of her room, “do you have any place you wanna go to?”

sana thought for a while, they were already roaming around the floor when she saw a vending machine, “could we get some hot choco?” sana looked behind her to use her puppy eyes yet again on momo. and who was momo to deny her of such a request? which is why they were headed right for the vending machine that made drinks.

they went to different areas around the hospital that sana was allowed to be in, from the nursery to the cafeteria - momo wanted some food to bring with them to their mini-trip. and now here they were, on the rooftop.

“this is a very dramatic place to bring a patient to. you go here a lot?” sana asked, moving the wheelchair on her own as momo took a seat at a nearby bench.

momo was looking at the horizon when she nodded, “yeah, this is where i usually stay when i need a reminder to continue doing what i love most.”

sana smiled at that, admiring the dedication and passion her soulmate has within her. hoping that in a parallel universe, she was given enough time to find what she loves doing the most too. 

sana settled beside momo as they both appreciated the silence that had started to envelop them. neither saying a word as they watched how the birds were flying without a care in the world, gliding in the sky as they landed on the rooftop they are currently on.

until they hear footsteps nearing them which made them glance towards the person responsible for the little noise that’s been emitted by the door.

“oh look, it’s mina,” sana smiled, pointing at her doctor to inform her soulmate about it. her own smile turning into a frown when she realized why mina was on the rooftop as the youngest among the three pulled out a lighter from her pocket. 

sana never knew this - not that they were very close for her to know - but momo seemed very upset when she saw mina light the cigarette, causing sana to feel the negative aura coming from her soulmate.

mina might’ve sensed that someone was staring at her for her to face their direction, and when her eyes made contact with momo’s, she immediately threw her cigarette and stepped on it to put it out, “i- uh- hey, what are you guys doing here?” mina asked, trying to act as if she wasn’t just caught red-handed.

sana watched momo as she approached the younger doctor, not really anticipating what’ll happen.

“why are YOU here, mina?” momo asked, her tone changing as if she were a detective interrogating her prime suspect that is mina. “since when have you started smoking again? didn’t you quit three years ago?”

“y-yeah uhm it was just a one-time thing. i’m sorry. there’s no need to be mad, really. i was uh- i was just stressed from work, that’s all.” luckily for mina, momo wasn’t her soulmate, so momo isn’t able to feel the guilt building up inside her for lying straight to her face.

but momo didn’t need the soulmate bond to see right through her girlfriend’s lies. and sana felt the anger flowing through momo’s veins change into something softer, a more delicate feeling: concern. “sorry, i didn’t mean to. i was just worried.” momo showing an apologetic smile even when she knew that mina wasn’t telling her the full truth.

the truth that has been revealed in the form of son chaeyoung, another colleague of theirs. chaeyoung waved at mina from behind momo as she spoke, “hey, mina! here for another stick? didn’t see you around yesterday for our daily-” chaeyoung gulped, realizing her mistake as soon as her eyes landed on the other girl in front of her.

momo nodded at that, understanding that this wasn’t a one-time thing, but something that has been going on for a while now. sana could feel her own throat tightening, feeling the hurt that’s now replaced the emotions momo’s been having. 

“alright then, i’ll leave you to it.” momo showed another smile, one that she didn’t even put any effort onto as she turned around and headed back to where sana was, “sorry you had to see that. it’s getting late, we should get you back inside before your doctor gets mad at me.” 

––

sana never had a chance to properly ask momo why she was so upset with mina because momo always brushes it off when she brings it up, saying that it was nothing but pure shock and disappointment. sana left her to it even though she too knew that that wasn’t the only reason why momo’s been so bothered lately.

that’s why she wanted to get some answers from mina now that she has the chance to, “can i ask you something?”

mina merely nodded, continuing what she came here to do as if wanting to end it as soon as possible so she could leave. and sana understood. if she were in mina’s place, she probably would’ve done the same, not wanting to open up to a person who only knew her through the constant check-ups they’ve shared. their relationship may have been on-going for years, but it never really deepened to the point that they were comfortable enough to share personal things about themselves to the other.

“why did you lie to momo?”

but as mina looked up to face sana with her expression unreadable, sana knew it caught her off guard.

mina expected a question like ‘why did you smoke again?’ or maybe a ‘why did you hide it from momo?’ or even something completely unrelated to what happened a few days ago, perhaps about the weather or why the vending machine’s broken. anything that isn’t as blunt as the question that left sana’s lips.

mina knew the answer to sana’s question but didn’t know how to address it - especially not to sana when it was momo who deserved to hear it first. mina abruptly stood up, deciding to leave sana’s room. she wasn’t even done with the routine check-up she had on sana, but that could wait, and talking to momo couldn’t.

mina made a mental note to thank sana later as she made her way to momo’s office, making sure to instruct nayeon to finish what she had started on sana, not able to fix a script in her head regarding what she has to say - to apologize for - when she reached her girlfriend’s office.

when she barged in momo’s office, momo was startled enough to look at the culprit responsible for disturbing her. but when momo saw who it was, she immediately looked down, continuing the paperwork she had to finish.

“mo...” mina spoke as she breathed heavily from the running escapade she went through and closed the door.

“do you need anything, mina?” momo’s tone was too cold - too harsh - for mina’s liking, but she knew she deserved it.

“i’m sorry, momo,” as those words left mina’s lips, a soft whimper followed as she tried to stop herself from crying. this made momo stop doing her work, too familiar with the sound of mina’s breath hitching. she didn’t need to look up to know that there were tears streaming down mina’s cheeks - didn’t know if she wanted to see it too, knowing that she’s the cause behind it.

but momo can’t bear it, can’t bear the thought of letting mina cry right in front of her and not do anything about it. so she stood up and immediately pulled the younger doctor in her arms, trying to calm her down before it gets out of control. but momo doesn’t mind if it does get worse, she knew mina needed to let it out, and that’s what mina does.

momo waited for mina to calm down as she left kisses on the crown of mina’s head to ease mina’s worries, before she let go of her, only to cup her cheeks and leave a soft kiss on her forehead.

“i was scared. i was scared that you’d leave me after you get to know her better. s-sana - she’s a really great person, mo. and i wouldn’t blame you if you end up falling for her too.” mina looked down, ashamed of how she was feeling. it’s not that she doesn’t trust momo because she does. it’s just that she knew how strong soulmate bonds could get, and even if sana and momo weren’t soulmates, mina would understand if momo still chose sana over her - she was a much better fit for momo than mina will ever be anyway.

“but she’s not you, mitang. c’mere,” momo pulled her in again for a hug as she carefully placed mina’s head on her chest, “i know it scares you, i know your insecurities are coming in once again. but you have to tell me about them, okay? we can get through them together, but i can’t help you if we’re not communicating.”

mina nodded as another set of tears were attempting to escape her eyes, “i know, i’m sorry.”

“since when did you start smoking again?”

“when you told me about sana,” mina shyly admitted, too ashamed of the actions she decided to do rather than going to the more mature route, which is to talk to momo about it.

momo nodded, “it’s okay. it was a relapse. i’m sorry too for not being able to control my emotions when i found out.” the older girl continued to rub at mina’s back as she contemplated how to make it up to her, “i’m sorry for failing to reassure you. but trust me when i say it’s just you, okay?”

it burnt her tongue as those words left her lips. momo didn’t want to think deeper as to why. mina needed her right now and she wouldn't allow herself to fail to show her love for the other doctor.

“say, do you maybe wanna go out tomorrow?” momo asked, planning a perfect date to ease their minds from the mess they’ve put themselves in the past weeks.

mina pulled away from the hug to look at momo, “are you asking me out on a date?”

momo grinned, “yeah, if that’s what it is still called even if you’re my girlfriend now.”

“it is,” mina returned the smile, loving how easy it was for momo to calm her down, “but i can’t tomorrow. my whole schedule is packed. how about sunday?”

momo let out a pout as soon as she heard the word ‘but’ come out from mina’s mouth since she knew she was rejected right then and there. although she did consider doing it on mina’s free day, she, unfortunately, couldn’t, “i’m the one who can’t on sunday.”

mina pinched momo’s nose, “no need to be so pouty, we can go out next time. or you can make it up to me tonight.” 

momo knew that there was more to what mina’s letting on, but she also knew that mina would tell her when she’s ready. for now, she settled to have her girlfriend cling to her arms as they make up for lost time from the past two days. 

“were you purposely ignoring me at home?” mina suddenly asked, both looking at the ceiling as they let the silence take over before mina spoke. 

“no, i wasn’t. it just so happened that i had to stay in the hospital yesterday. you know, it’s nayeon’s fault, really. sorry babe,” momo tightened their hug when she felt mina chuckle at the thought of momo blaming nayeon every chance she gets. even on things like this that didn't even involve the nurse. 

and it was moments like this that mina needed the most right now. moments wherein she gets to cherish momo more before time runs out. 

––

it’s been a whole month since sana was confined and momo would like to say that everything’s going well now, for real this time. from her relationship with her soulmate to the resolved conflicts she had with her own girlfriend, she couldn’t ask for more.

“you’re way too happy eating my pizza. i thought you hated hawaiian?” mina asked, an amused smile forming on her lips as she takes a bite from her own slice.

momo was too occupied to even notice that she grabbed food from the wrong box as she spat the pineapple that she had taken a bite of. immediately drinking her soda to remove the taste and handing the pizza to mina, “yuck. i can’t believe that that has been in my mouth.”

“what were you thinking about anyway? to get you this close to finishing that slice,” mina giggled as she halfway-pinched the air with her thumb and index finger to show to momo. 

momo rolled her eyes and grabbed the box of pizza that’s topped with classic pepperoni and mozzarella, “do you know sana hates your favorite pizza too? i still don’t understand why you like them, mitang.” 

mina smacked her arm, “stop insulting my pizza. i can’t believe i’m in love with a person who has poor taste.”

“hey, that hurt,” momo laughed with mina as she rubbed her arm, making sure to get the double meaning across, “i was just thinking about us.”

“i guess that’s a valid reason to daydream,” mina smirked but momo returned her smile with a genuine one at that, “care to share?”

“nothing, i’m just happy that we finally had the day to ourselves.” 

momo feels guilty for that. she knew it was her fault after all. between the tight work schedule that she has and her breaks being spent with sana, she knew that over the month she barely had the chance to spend quality time with mina. even at home, since their shifts usually don’t match, they don’t get to spend much time there either, only able to hold trivial conversations and the typical ‘how was your day’ ones. and when they are able to go home at the same time, it’s usually past midnight and they’d rather rest instead.

“i know what you’re thinking,” mina placed her pizza back on her plate which was on the table in front of them.

“uh, yeah?” momo put on a confused look while letting out a low chuckle, “i literally just told you about it.”

it was mina’s turn to roll her eyes - it was a habit she had ever since, momo just happened to copy her till the latter ended up being more used to using it than her. “i was talking about your thoughts that you’d rather not let me know.” mina showed a small smile and momo thought she couldn’t get any more guiltier than she’s been feeling lately. and after seeing mina’s ever so bright smile turn to something as fragile and little as this, it hurt her knowing that she’s hurting the both of them.

momo felt ashamed for how much of a bad partner she has been to her girlfriend, looking down as if she was ready to get scolded, “i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay, you know?” mina held momo’s hands. both girls forgetting the seriousness of the atmosphere as they giggled after feeling how greasy their hands were from the pizza. mina grabbed some tissue as she cleaned the two of them up. and this just made momo even guiltier, if that’s still possible at this point, as she thinks of how mina takes care of her all the time, “i don’t mind that you spend time with sana. you’re soulmates after all.”

“but our time together is getting compromised because of it. i’m really sorry, mitang.”

“i know you are,” mina left a kiss on momo’s cheek, making sure that there isn’t a tinge of grease this time, “but you don’t have to be. we talked about this, right?”

mina knew what she got herself into even before she talked to momo about making things official. when she accepted her feelings for momo - that she won’t be able to stop them at any cost even if she wanted to - she also accepted the consequences that would come with it. consequences that she knew momo will never be hers, not permanently at least. 

that’s why it’s okay. it’s hurting her, but it’s okay. it’s okay because it’s what momo needs, it’s what sana needs. they may not know it - or maybe they do, they just try to deny it - but everyone with eyes can see how their bond has increased in just a span of weeks. and mina wouldn’t be the one to hinder them from being more.

mina connected her lips with momo’s, trying to savor the time she has been deprived of lately. a tear falls down from momo’s eyes and mina tried to wipe them away, disregarding her own tears that started to stream down her face as well. 

momo was the first to pull away, but mina was the first to speak, “we’re okay.” 

and just like before, momo listened to mina even if she knew better than to believe her.

––

the following days, they were back to normal. by normal, it meant back to how busy the two were. but as usual, as per the whole month last month, sana always has her way to sneak herself in momo’s very tight schedule.

and that’s how they find themselves sitting on sana’s bed with their backs on the wall as they watched a movie on sana’s laptop and ate the snacks that momo brought with her. snacks they were supposed to share but as she grabbed the box of doughnuts, she was surprised it was empty, “wha- did you finish the doughnut holes?” 

sana paused the movie they were watching as she faced momo, “you were too caught up eating the chips as i was with the little doughnuts.” she let out a little guilty laugh that momo soon joined in on.

“i can’t believe you really went from begging me not to force you to eat doughnuts to hoarding the whole box. i barely had some!” the two of them kept laughing and sana ended up continuing the movie as she went back to her original position which was to have her head on momo’s shoulder.

they didn’t even notice that they were already holding each other’s hand until the movie finished and sana had to let go of her hold on momo to set aside her laptop. both girls blushed at the thought of how it felt so natural with each other as if their own bodies have a mind of their own. 

and when sana was done, it only felt right to clasp their hands together once again as they both faced the wall in front of them. 

“do you ever think about how many stars are in the night sky?” sana asked, tightening her hold on momo’s hand. sana looked so serious and this made momo let out another giggle, “what’s so funny?”

“nothing. i just think it’s cute that you talk about the stars at ten in the morning. maybe it would’ve been more appropriate at night, but whatever floats your boat, i guess,” momo continued to laugh, even more, when sana glared at her.

“i was just curious!” sana pouted and threatened to let go of momo’s hand and she would’ve been able to if it weren’t for momo’s tight grip on hers too. “you always do this.”

“do what?”

“make fun of me!” and sana was finally successful in letting momo’s hand go to cross her arms, even if she missed her touch the second her skin isn’t connected to hers anymore.

momo laughed more, “you big baby, come here,” the older ruffled sana’s hair as sana let herself be pulled in a hug. it felt nice and warm to be wrapped around momo’s arms and she realized that when she felt momo feel the same. “you’re too adorable for the world. curious about the most random things. such a pure and innocent gem you are.” 

they stayed like that for a while, momo gently running her fingers through sana’s hair as both wondered how nice it would feel to stay like this forever - not having to worry about the people around them and just wonder more about what life has in store for both of them together. momo knew her mind was entering dangerous territories, but she can’t stop herself when she can feel sana having the same set of thoughts.

and she also couldn’t stop herself especially not when she felt herself gravitating towards sana as she saw sana doing the same. and at that moment, all she can feel was the overwhelming intensity that arises from both of them. 

sana’s eyes flickered to momo’s lips, thinking that if she just leans in some more, she’d be able to give the two of them what they both would’ve wanted but dared not to say. she looked momo in the eye as if asking for assurance that she wants the same thing and that was all it took for her walls to fully crumble down as momo’s eyes mirrored somewhat the same as what’s reflected on her own. 

but she couldn’t help but glance behind momo as something caught her eye. she was against momo’s protest to have the door closed when momo first came in, and as she looked at the person staring right at them from outside her room, it just proved how she should’ve followed momo’s wishes instead.

sana pulled away at the last possible second before their lips could’ve met and said something she despised as soon as it left her lips, “y-you have a girlfriend. i’m sorry.”

she can feel the hurt and disappointment burning inside of her as a knot started to form on her throat when she started to create space between her and her soulmate. she wasn’t able to form any coherent words even if she wanted to and momo took that as a sign to leave the room. but before momo was able to leave, sana decides to speak again, “i’m not worth it, momo.”

and momo hated to leave with that, but as confusion started to wash through her system, she knew she needed to get away from sana before she gets confused even more. and as much as momo wanted to think what this would mean for her and sana, all she could really think of is how this could affect her relationship with mina. 

––

momo never builds up the courage to tell mina about what happened. she wanted to, wanted to be honest, wanted to come clean and ask for forgiveness. but when momo is about to open up the conversation, she backs away cowardly. 

it wasn’t hard to notice too from mina’s point of view. she already knew something was up, just waiting for the day that momo confronts her own feelings to have the courage to tell mina what’s bothering her. 

“are you in love with momo?” that’s when it hit mina that if momo lacks courage, sana is filled with it as she asked such a blunt question yet again with no warnings before it.

mina wasn’t even able to let the question sink in and let her reflexes do the talking as she shrugged her shoulders, “you’re ridiculous for even thinking that, sana-ya.” 

“i heard people talking, and it didn’t take long for me to notice it too,” sana said, seeming like she had no plans to make mina leave without getting the full story.

“what stories have you been hearing exactly?” 

“ones wherein everyone thought you and momo would end up together. till i got in the picture,” sana tried to wait if mina would look at her but mina tried to remain unbothered.

“you know very well that we shouldn’t listen to everything that we hear,” mina stated as she continued to do what she went here for, “we aren’t anything, if that’s what you’re implying.”

sana nodded, “you’re right about that, that’s why i don’t believe what you just said either.” 

“what? that’s not how it works, sana.” despite the heavy atmosphere surrounding them, sana was still able to make mina smile through a silly joke, “you know what i meant.”

“i do, and i also have eyes,” sana trailed off, waiting for mina to give her her full attention, “and after the incident yesterday, everything made sense.”

that was enough for sana to grab mina’s attention. sana knew this was an uncomfortable topic but it was necessary for both of them to have.

“everyone can see that you love momo, it just took me a while but i can see it now too,” mina was about to say something but sana signaled to let her finish first, “that’s why it doesn’t surprise me when i figured out that you’re her girlfriend.”

“and even if i’m wrong with the girlfriend theory - which i'm sure i'm not - everyone can see that you’re both in love with each other.”

“sana...” mina didn’t know what to say, knew that she couldn’t deny it any further especially when she hoped that what sana said about momo’s feelings for her were true.

it’s not that mina was doubting momo’s love for her, it’s just that she knows it’s hard to compete in the game of love against your girlfriend’s soulmate. and hearing those words coming exactly from the latter, made her want to stay and listen more to what sana has to say.

“i actually wanted to call in a favor. a last one at that,” sana said, understanding that mina already gave in from the previous discussion.

mina didn’t like the sound of that, not at all, especially when it sounded like someone’s final regards on something, and mina wasn’t about to let that happen. but mina didn’t respond, curiosity getting the best of her, and waited for sana to go on.

when sana noticed that mina won’t say anything soon, she took that as her cue to continue, “i know you’ll probably do it still even if i don’t ask this of you, but i hope you take care of momo. you know, there’s no use to deny momo’s feelings too. she never told me, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you two are more than best friends.”

sana had started to feel whenever something stirs in momo’s emotions. at first, she even thought those were directed towards her, that when momo suddenly becomes cheeky and somewhat reflecting an emotion of excitement, she thought it’s because of her. until she noticed that maybe it wasn’t, especially not when a particular someone is also present in the same room they were in whenever this happened to momo.

“she talks so highly of you too, as if you were her boss when in fact it’s the opposite.” sana added, trying to make the most out of this conversation and making sure not to miss any detail regardless of how trivial, “anyway, i guess i just really wanted to say that when i’m gone, momo’s all yours. not that she never was yours nor was she ever mine, but yeah you wouldn’t have to worry about me intruding anymore.”

mina remained silent the whole time, still finding the right words to say. it is moments like this wherein she curses herself for not being able to express herself well through words since it’s clearly what sana needed right now and she couldn’t give it.

but as the last statement of sana left the older’s lips, mina was able to form a coherent response, “what are you trying to say?”

“you of all people know that i don’t have much time left, mina. i’m getting weaker by the day, no signs of improvement at all.” sana casually answered, as if she has already accepted it in herself. and both girls know that she has, way before this very day.

“we could still-”

sana cut her off, knowing what the doctor was about to say. they’ve had this conversation too many times to count and mina should know by now that she’ll never win against sana with it. “i won’t get the operation. i’ve already fixed my things, i’ll be leaving the hospital first thing tomorrow to live the remaining days of my life away from here.”

“momo needs someone who can stay with her till the end, mina. and we both know i can’t do that so that’s not going to be me. and if it’s anyone, everyone knows that it’s you. even momo.”

––

but sana wasn’t able to leave first thing the next day. 

mina got a call that same night that she had talked to sana. she was on her way home, already in her car and ready to lie down on the bed and call it a day in the arms of her girlfriend. she wanted to take a break from all the stress she’s been getting from work and from her own thoughts, and sana’s announcement didn’t help ease her worries.

that’s why it never occurred to her that the call she just took was the last factor she needed to make the most important and crucial decision she’s ever made. 

mina rushed to the operating room, and when she got there, momo was already there too, still hadn't left the building when she found out. she was the only person left of sana’s who has the power to decide whether or not sana would undergo the operation. 

everyone knew sana’s wishes not to go through with it, mina and momo included. but that didn’t make it any easier to make a decision especially when it was a literal matter of life and death. 

momo wanted to let sana go and to respect her wishes instead, but that meant permanently losing sana, and she didn’t know if she could handle that. she just met her soulmate a little over a month ago and that wasn’t enough for her. she wanted to be selfish, wanted to make a choice that she wouldn’t lose. but she also knew that choosing to get sana in the OR with the latter’s life in the hands of her girlfriend would just be the same as losing. 

not because she doesn’t trust mina to operate on her soulmate - because she knows mina’s the best out there - but because she knows that choosing sana meant losing mina. and she didn’t want to lose either of them.

sana and mina didn’t have any intention to put momo in such a compromising position, both wanting only what they think is best for her - which in their minds is the other. they never intended for her to reach the point that she had to choose between the two of them since both opted to step aside for the other, and momo knew that - that they’re both willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of momo’s.

which is why she is so conflicted, still not knowing what to do and she has to think fast. time is running out and if she doesn’t make a choice, then the universe will, and she knew what it meant if she stalled even longer. 

momo was never a selfish person either, but somehow right at this moment, she wanted to be as selfish as she could get. not wanting to choose between the girl who she’s been in love with for years and the girl she’s learned to love over the weeks. she knows that no matter what choice she’ll make, she’ll end up regretting it for not choosing the other and it will surely haunt her for as long as she may live.

a month and a half weren’t enough for her to cherish her time with sana. she knew what she got herself into after her first talk with sana, both on the same page to remain as friends, and falling in love wasn’t in the equation. which is why it’s this hard to decide because she’s finally come to terms with the feelings she has developed for the younger girl. and she wasn’t even able to say it to her.

but her feelings for mina never left. momo wanted to blame her feelings for sana as a soulmate bond thing, that the universe is just manipulating her into falling in love with her soulmate even if her heart belongs to someone else - mina. but that isn’t the case when everything felt so right with sana as it felt with mina.

mina who’s been by momo’s side since they were kids. mina who always saved momo’s ass whenever she got in trouble. mina who’s taken care of momo regardless if she weren’t sick, always making sure she gets to eat at least three times a day and that she gets to sleep well in her arms. mina who helped her pass her classes even if it risked to fail her own. mina who never left momo’s side just to make sure everything goes well for the older. and momo knows that what she feels for mina isn’t unreal when all the younger has ever done to her is for her own good. momo knew how much love mina deserves and she wanted to be able to give that to her.

but mina wouldn’t allow her as the younger asked momo for permission to start on the operation, knowing how to phrase her question to get momo’s approval. “don’t worry, you’ll get her back. i’ll do my best.”

because mina always wins every game, every battle, every surgery. she started a battle with sana in hopes to get the older to give in and let mina do the operation, and now here she is, doing it to save sana’s life and for momo’s happiness. 

but even if mina won the battle against death himself, ready to claim sana, it also meant she lost. she lost to the game of love. it was as if the universe decided that it was time to finally make mina experience her first loss and the gods above chose momo to be the one to do it.

the universe really knew how to play its cards as it made sure to make mina experience such a painful and dreadful one at that - enough for mina to know that she’ll never play this sport again.

mina loves momo, and momo loves mina. but sometimes love isn’t enough because this is a game where you win based on pure, dumb luck. and in this case, it was sana who was the lucky winner.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe i'll write a sequel for this... maybe... one that'll tackle misana's unsaid tension and their back story :)


End file.
